Reviews for Ace

BY : Flagg1991


  • From DoctorYnot on March 15, 2019

    Hey there! It's been a while since I reviewed something here, but I really enjoyed my time with this fic and before I knew it found myself taking down a few notes as I read it. Sorry if this comes off a little unorganized because of the way I put it together, but I still figured you might at least get some kind of kick out of reading it. To summarize what comes next briefly: I loved it.

     

    >Still snickering, she pushed herself up to her knees, her face rising over the tops of his knees like the morning sun over the edge of the earth; sweaty brown hair veiled her bleary eyes, and a shit-eating grin spread across her pink lips. 

     

    Really nice imagery here and a great line. I have to admit that I wasn't sure about the story up until this point, some of the narrative I felt got a bit meta which always takes me out of it, but this is the moment where it felt like you took it to the next gear and really started showing off your famous ability.

     

    >hyper aware that her fingers were kneading his knees like a playful kitten

     

    Again, great imagery. Transmits exactly what the character is behaving like and does it in a fun way that works more by implication than getting bogged down with the mechanics. I quite liked this detail.

     

    >She looked it: Her cheeks blazed a deep, beautiful shade of red; her dark eyes smoldered, and her pert breasts rose and fell under her shirt. Lincoln's dick twitched and he could feel precum filling his slit, hot as lava, running over and tracking down his aching dick in sizzling rivers. 

     

    This is pretty goddamn intense!

     

    Like I said, right when Dana started getting playful and suggestive it really felt like the tempo and heat of the story definitely increased. The prose got much, much tighter and brutally effective when it comes to keeping the reader as unsteady on their toes and breathless with expectation as Lincoln. I love being able to share that feeling with him, those sort of things really, really help with immersion. Nice job. I was surprised later by how much I liked how you use her necklace, that line about the silver over the bronze. Vivid and understated. The hot honey line also, there's so much poetry in saying it that way, it's such a terrific noun/adjective combo to describe it that it honestly makes me want to steal it for future use in my stories. And I just loved the makeout section and all the little details about what they did with their hands. A proper kiss is more than just lips and tongue and you really demonstrated that nicely here with all the little things they do with their body to pull you into it and paint the picture of the illicit, drunken makeout session of a nervous little boy and a drunken teenage girl. The fact she was wearing a black bra, too; I was delighted with that piece of info. Felt just right. 'The freckle-smattered dip of her chest' adds the perfect amount of innocence to Dana to remind us she's really not that much older than the kid she's child predatoring on, I love that. It's smart writing.

     

    The ending might not have been what I would have gone with, but I at least got it and found I didn't mind too much in the end between the fact that it's both funny and realistic.

     

    Ace ultimately feels like an illicit snapshot of a stolen moment in time for Lincoln and Dana. I got drawn in by the truthfulness of it and the really elegant depiction of that swaggering, drunken teenage girl that barged her way into the room of her friend's little brother for an impromptu night of destiny. Had a terrific time all around with it, you did a really wonderful job with the way you composed this fic, but considering your track record it's not much of a surprise you put out another hit. Congratulations on the great work.



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  • From HappyLookingShell on February 21, 2019

    Aaw she shared her lunch!   Yeah that was lame on my part.

    I would like to see a second part, aftermath/consequences or a continuation of the party... after the clean up of course.



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  • From AberrantScript on February 21, 2019

    This was so freaking hot! God, I'm gonna read that last part again and again... So freaking amazing. I swear. I'm dying. ;-; This was cute and funny, and yeah it was really freaking hot. Great job!



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