Ok so Kim is an hypocrytical , control-freaking bitch... sounds about right.

Well, there is still sex... actually some good old rough gangbang could help her morale.

Awesome Story, Can Hardly Wait For The Next Chapter/Chapters.

Ok, she just mentioned how things are perfect... there is no faster way to jinx it.

It is really hard to review when I have no idea what you are wanting from all of this.

Are you simply writing and posting as a release or endeavor for gratification? If so, then I will leave it as you are doing fine, because it really doesn’t matter what any of us think.

If you are posting this because you actually want to become a better writer and are wanting feedback and criticism, then there is a lot to be said. Because what you have so far isn't a story, in a particular vernacular. What to call what you have written isn't clear or agreed upon. I have seen different people call it different things, it is a scene, a vignette, a simple sequence of events, etc. Or the most applicable given the site and type of story it is a porn without a plot. The entire purpose of what you have written is to stimulate, it is the literary equivalent of the guy ordering the pizza and when the hot delivery girl shows up he asks her if she wants the tip and she says, no she wants the whole thing. Cue sequence sexual events, the end. There is no conflict, there is no lie, there is no change. Things simply happen.

To clarify what I mean when I say you do not have a story is that there are no elements of this story that fit any type of story arc that I have ever seen or heard of. You are ten chapters into this and there has yet to be a single element of conflict, of character lie, or of character change. You are even quickly  approaching, if not right at the edge of following the standard conflictless arc of the Far East (Kishotenketsu).

Now, I have been hesitant and none responsive to this point, because you could introduce these elements at this point and solve these concerns. However, even if you do, there are other problems with this story. Pacing being the most prevalent. If this is straight up porn without plot, then pacing isn’t an issue, after all it is merely a sequence of events not a plot line. We are the chapters into this thing and not even a single glimmer of anything to keep us hooked. At this point I am expecting chapter 11 to just be more of the same, either Kim having sex with the four guys *again* or worse telling about Ron having sex with a bunch of women. Which is a different sequence of events, admittedly, but still really just more of the same.

At this point, I am not only lost as to what you are personally wanting to get out of this, I am completely lost as to what you are trying to achieve with this story. 

I will leave off at this point, and I am afraid that I have said too much, too soon. But, you seem to be faltering in your desires because you are not receiving as much feedback as you did on the last. The difference is that the last one setup the conflict extremely early in the story, the problem is that you didn’t like the conflict and have pretty much completely removed it from this version.

Do not take this as me wanting you to stop writing. Please do not take it as such. But you have been practically begging for feedback, so here it is.

Are you planning on finishing this version?

You were posting pretty quickly there for a while and then you just stopped. 

I have some concerns about this version, but I want to see how you finish before expressing them. Because you might address them. 

This version is much more coherent than the last. And it is certainly on a different path than the last.

Anyway. I hope that you finish it soon. 

It would actually be funny if she, maybe out of curiosity, let Ron put it up her ass and decided she loved it.