Reviews for The Miss Cutie Patootie Pageant

BY : GeorgeGlass


  • From DoctorYnot on February 08, 2018

    The new chapter was really something. Since I've already given my thoughts mainly on the story itself, I thought this time I'd just make some quick comments on what really jumped out at me. First of all, I really liked the description of Lincoln's anxiety, how he froze up so much that he just went back to calm. That bit was fun and so was the mindless flirt he gave Misty. The 'do some slapping herself' line was got a smile out of me, and I liked how you invoked Lola and Leni to display how Lincoln could tell the difference between a phony smile and a real one. That was effective use of two present sisters.

    While we're talking about good lines, the four years junior/four years senior wordplay was also quite satisfying to read. And speaking of the dances, boy, they were certainly intense. I was not expecting you to describe the elaborate choreography so deeply. They were particularly great at putting the reader in the position of Lincoln and leaving us sympathizing with him; for my part I felt just as flustered and out-of-sorts as he did, and it's always great when you can make the reader feel what the character is feeling. That's one of the most elegant things you can do as a writer, I think. Lastly, what might have been my favorite part of this chapter was the explanation for why Luna wrote that song. As I read the lyrics I found myself wondering how on earth Lola got her to write something so lewd, whether she was in on the pageant, basically what the heck was going on, but the explanation was perfect and felt so, so true to the characters themselves while adding a dark, saucy little touch to the proceedings.

    In the end I can't help but look forward to finding out more: about Lola's feelings for Lincoln, which you lightly hinted at in this chapter, about the rest of the sisters feelings about what they've involved themselves in and about what some of the more unscrupulous girls might do to try and win 'Uncle Herb's' vote. Very nice update, man. And again, heck of a job with those song lyrics. I'm not sure I've ever seen a really tightly written original song in a fic before, let alone two!



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  • From ConanEdogawa on February 03, 2018

    Will Lincoln have sex with Lola in the next chapter? 



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  • From RandomReviewer on January 23, 2018

    Lincoln, slowly make your way to the nearest exit, and call the police o_o

    Great beginning Mr. Glass, I can't wait for chapter 2.



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  • From DoctorYnot on January 22, 2018

    Wow, I really like what you have here so far! You have such a great, comfortable style and flow. It feels like you're totally at ease. I suppose that's probably because you've been writing for so long.

     

    Speaking about the story itself: things are sexy so far, sure, but I'm also really enjoying the subtle humor and just the general wit of everything. The Leni with scissors thing for instance really made me laugh. Lola's been characterized well, too; she has some great lines and her body language is on point. All the sisters are, actually. Honestly most of this should probably go without saying but it's hard to pick just one part of the story to comment approvingly on considering there's no 'potholes', literarily speaking, no discernible weak points. Everything feels polished to a mirror shine and made to a a very high standard. That being the case I guess all I can really do is speculate on the narrative arc.

     

    In just the first chapter you've set up so many intriguing little plot threads, it feels like. I don't suspect the sisters you had come along were chosen at random for example. Maybe it's just my own mind jumping to conclusions, but it feels like there's SO much you could do, so many possibilities open with the layout you've created and the cast you've put together, that one night really doesn't seem like enough to explore them all. Still, I'll definitely be watching carefully to see where everything goes. I'm very intrigued.

     

    A couple of stray thoughts to close things out: I really like that you come up with clever little alternate names for real world brands, items, etc. Elizabeth's Mystery for instance. I don't know if it's just me but naming actual brands in a story set in the Loud House world is something I always find takes me out of it a bit. I appreciate this kind of attention to detail to make sure the story is as familiar-yet-not as possible. The girls' porn names are all clever and amusing. Misty Mako's description was the one I found particularly hypnotizing and well-written among all of them, really good flow there. And lastly, the big wheel gang thing was something I found almost as funny as the Leni bit.

     

    Well, I guess I better stop there to keep from droning on. It should go without saying at this point but I loved the first chapter and I can't wait for more!



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  • From ConanEdogawa on January 22, 2018

    I'm dying for the next chapter



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  • From Lunarsilver on January 21, 2018

    I wonder if Lincoln is gonna get ptsd from the real facts about this pagent or from seeing his own sister in that outfit



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  • From ConanEdogawa on January 21, 2018

    Will Lincoln have sex with Lola?



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