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Reviews for Ashley's Secret

By : TheEvilFaery
  • From Broken_Ball on November 29, 2014
    A very well written story. You have a good grasp of the characters involved. Still, this was dark. Very dark. I really wanted this to have a happy ending but you went the opposite way. All I can think at this point is the potential for there to be more to this though. Have you considered expanding it to show the fallout? When I read the ending I got a picture in my head of Fillmore, from Fillmore!, investigating.
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  • From xXDasXGoochXx on June 27, 2014
    wholly mother of girl on gir. that was mental. Great Job!
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  • From FairySlayer on October 21, 2012
    (FYI to others: I was the proofreader, but I put it down for a while before re-reading the final final version so I could write to the final product.)

    Wow, I'm going to give my Twist Crown to you! Not to mention the way you opened with Spinelli showing her creative side, even if just for herself, and managed to use that as a metaphor for how the tragedy affected her. Also you left some very nice mysteries and potentially opened floodgates of discussions on what constitutes abuse and more than a couple of ways people can be forced into things that hurt them even when they think - or pretend - that they're trying to give another some relief, some pleasure. After all, I think Spinelli genuinely wanted to make Theresa ("Corn Chip Girl") feel better even if she "was stopped from telling" and getting her some real help. Did she honestly believe what she was doing to Corn Chip Girl in the bathroom made up for what the other Ashleys were forcing her to do? Or was Spinelli using her confusion as an excuse to delve into her own desires?

    Spinelli's anger towards herself, and her own fears building about exposing the abuse since "what she did" (and wouldn't admit to herself was also abuse) were great; then more believable when she started to redirect her anger at the victim for refusing to "let her" tell, like Spinelli would refrain from taking a stand in any situation. She let herself fall into the "It's complicated" trap and then, while stuck there, was easy pickings for the sociopath Ashley A. to take advantage of and corrupt. Well, much much worse than corrupt, since Spinelli's life is pretty much destroyed, and now that she's ruined inside she's all the more vulnerable to the evil influences she handed herself over to in return for what she thought was ... well, not "innocent" but definitely hyper-rationalized "experimental fun" that she never realized could have such horrific consequences.

    The very first time I read the complete ending it left me mentally numb, but instead of being prepared for it the effect is more chilling every time. All in all I think this works terrifically as a one-shot since finality is there on so many levels. Still, it's not like you haven't surprised me by kicking things up to a different level. (In this instance I don't dare call it "pleasantly surprised" even though you'd know what I meant.) At the very least there's a lot of wonderfully exhibited pain, conflict, hot even if tortured sexiness throughout. And a century or two from now no doubt it'll be required reading and lead to long, heated debates.

    (I wish there was a "safe" place to have those debates aired openly with mature people. As we know, other places that even embrace underage toon porn are usually overrun with immature users and trolls; and thought most AFFN forum users are very mature and thoughtful [or at least the great admin staff makes sure it stays that way] things could still get overheated and off track too easily.)

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  • From Christopher11 on October 05, 2012
    Man..... dark fantasy here, but a very well written dark fantasy. Two thumbs up.
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  • From Bishonen on October 05, 2012
    That was horrid, but wonderful at the same time.

    With Eternal Love, Imasuky Lomae
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