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Reviews for Cakewalk on the Catwalk

By : FairySlayer
  • From Shadowknight12 on December 19, 2010
    Only reviewing Chapter Six, since that's what I read. I personally think that cute and sexy is extremely hard to pull off. You either neglect one in favour of the other or you end up jarring the reader as you try to balance the two. This story, on the other hand, blends both flawlessly all throughout it. Really, managing both aspects is probably what makes or breaks a story like this one, and you managed to pull it off exceedingly well. Of course, I suspect the cartoon is a permanent fountain of cute, so it's only matter of reaching into that for ideas. Still, the execution is rather well done. I would also like to point out your talent with small details, like "berry," Custard's cleanliness, the girls' individual personalities (all rather well portrayed), and other myriad of tiny segments that show how lovingly crafted the story is.

    Onto the things you could improve on: The story is very visual, making the reader feel as though it's witnessing the events in the same room as the characters. If that's the effect you wanted to achieve, then ignore the rest of my advice. I personally prefer to draw the reader deeper into the story by making them feel as though they *are* the characters. You can, in this case, either cycle through the characters (though it could get confusing) or just stick to one (Strawberry Shortcake, perhaps?) and make us see everything through her eyes. But what's more important (and indeed, the reason for all this) is not simply immersion. The point of filtering everything through a character's eyes is to give a level of emotion and personality that you cannot get if the reader is merely an outside observer. If I may use a dessert-themed metaphor, the difference between what you have done here and what I'm suggesting is akin to that between buying a cheesecake from a professional patisserie and one home-made by a loved one. It's a matter of tastes, really. Someone might prefer a professional dessert that, although produced with no particular fondness, is expertly crafted and almost. Others might prefer something that, although flawed, has been clearly made with love. If you prefer the "professional" outcome, then it's just fine as it is! I am just pointing out that putting yourself in the place of a character and rambling on about what they're feeling (not just physically, but emotionally as well, plus describing what's going through their minds) can be an excellent way to add depth to the story and ensure that it endures in the mind of the reader long after they've finished reading.

    But this is just my subjective take on it, of course. I could say, objectively, that the sex was a tiny bit... rehearsed? I can't think of a good word to describe it. It's not *bad*, mind you. It's really good. What I'm saying is that it really comes off like the writing is very thought out and revised. That you took the time to go over it a lot in order to make it seem neat and orderly. And this is good! I want you to remember that. The thing is that you can afford to make things a little more... spontaneous in certain points. Or poetic! You can do poetic, I've seen some examples here, but you know, you can add more! Don't be afraid to ramble and indulge yourself! Sometimes having a flawed story is fine if it comes with certain phrases or words that just reach deeply into the reader and stay with them!

    Anyway, I hope I wasn't too harsh, I really think this was a great scene, even if it's not something I'd normally read. :)
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  • From TheEvilFaery on October 26, 2010
    Yay! I’m so glad I was able to infect you with a love for Strawberry Shortcake, and doubly glad that such a berry delightful story was the result!

    There’s an odd, dark thread sort of winding it’s way through the whole story, taking some of the elements of the show and sort of giving them a little twist. It starts right at the introduction (which I got a nice chuckle out of, especially the ‘special’ Remembering Book…how I’d love to get a peek at that!) and just keeps going from there.

    First the whole thing seems a little melancholy when you establish that all these kids are out there on their own and they all seem to struggle a bit to get by. Then some of the characters get their sweet little quirks expanded into something a bit more intense. Ginger Snap has always somewhat been Woobie material…I’ve certainly always wanted to snuggle her and protect her from the dark! But here her insecurity and hyper nature just make her seem so fragile, and it’s clear that she *needs* a lot of help to keep her from breaking. Peppermint (my love!) was always the bad girl of the group, so making her into a dealer with a decidedly sinister bent was hardly a stretch here. Even Strawberry isn’t immune. Her need to see everyone happy is almost like a compulsion here…at several points she does more than anyone could expect of her, and still feels bad about not being able to do more! It’s like she literally cannot bear to see anyone around her unhappy, regardless of what it does to her. (Which made her little song all the more sad and sweet!)

    The actual ‘action’ was uniformly wonderful. My berry favorite scene of all would have to be the one between Strawberry and Ginger Snap in the bathtub, which I think must be one of the sweetest and most sensual sex scenes you’ve written. Strawberry’s admiration for Ginger Snap’s body as more and more of it was explored really painted a very steamy picture, and I’m not talking about the hot bath! ^_^ Her gentle and slightly awkward ministrations were equally lovingly described, and I adored every word.

    But the other scenes were all just delicious. As you know, I had some reservations about this story when you told me that Custard would be so very central to all aspects of it, but you handled the matter with an excellent mix of delicateness and enthusiasm that really made the little kitty’s performance shine. I suppose it helps that she’s always been a character first and a cat second, and that was just as true here as in the show. Sweet and sassy, very reluctant to open up but extremely devoted to her loved ones, she really does just steal every scene she’s in, naughty or otherwise. ;)

    And of course there’s Angel Cake, the real focus of the story and Custard’s partner in alternative lifestyles. ^_^ Always Little Miss Perfect, here she finds she has a (literally) fatal flaw and can’t beat to let any of her friends know that she’s ‘broken,’ no matter what it costs her. The way she relies on Custard for support and comfort (of various types) is *berry* sweet, as is her relief and happiness once she realizes she no longer has to hide anything. Of course, that only comes after a comedy of errors that was pure joy to read. :D Angel Cake is quite a Woobie herself in this story, which is an interesting twist on her usual character. The strong perfectionist gets a weakness inflicted on her, and just doesn’t really know how to deal with it emotionally. Loved it!

    The whole story just flies by as you read it, one scene seamlessly flowing into the next. The sex scenes were all lent just the right feeling to make sure they never felt out of place in a story that really is all about the emotions of the characters. It’s almost like a chapter out of a show meant for a more mature audience, a slightly off-kilter version that lends a sorta sad, sorta not sad sorta feeling to the whole thing, making it all taste even sweeter as a result.

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  • From cowgirl65 on October 17, 2010
    Okay, I don't even think I found any typos! That was really berry good. Not a genre I'd even think of as fodder for a femslash story, but you made it hot without losing any of the sweetness of the original material. The story flowed plausibly right to the ending sleepover.
    Keep writing!
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  • From ANON - Sky on October 10, 2010
    Oddly enough.... I liked it, a lot. It was cute, sweet, not overly sex scene heavy. Well written, not too long. I'll certainly read it again. Good job.
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