Adult-FanFiction.org : Cartoons

Reviews for The New Girls

By : TheEvilFaery

From FairySlayer on November 20, 2012
Okay, this has been a long time coming, and as mentioned elsewhere I recently reread the story so I could say at least something about each chapter. Though I waited perhaps a bit too long, so I'll just give a quick impression in order up to the current chapter, 9. Just remember folks, at some point I started proofreading and then even editing some of this story and, er, even writing chapter 8.

1:
Great opening with Penny as the awkward, unaware new girl in a strange place. Mark Chang's display of superiority was a big win, and the mean girls adding insult to injury was certainly in character. However, once the leader of the mean girls realized she may have a kindred spirit (and, it turns out, very free once encouraged) things took a wonderful change for the better. Great hideaway sex in the empty part of the mall, with Penny giving Trixie something to be a little nervous about too. Maybe a bit of a power-play even if Penny considered it only playful. Still, very cute that Penny was reluctant about the pool party invitation despite Trixie being the queen bee.

2:
Now we see the trouble brewing as Veronica wonders what the crud is going on here. Trixie's dismay with Veronica was probably a bit unnerving for Penny, both for her fear of friction (aside from rope burns!) and maybe a hint of worry about the real Trixie versus the, uh, real Trixie. At least they got to sneak away from the boring party later and have some delicious, if still inexperienced sex, in the pool house. Too bad about their unwitting captive who, deliberately, blew her chances to give them privacy and avoid her own "bad" urges. Little did she know...

3:
Penny and Trixie definitely overreached here, with their enthusiasm (and sex brains) getting the better of them perhaps, but it's certainly believable for a couple of preteens who feel liberated. Well, Penny we find out was going a little wild and maybe Trixie was just trying to keep up, put on the superior face and all that still. It was pretty rotten, and scary, what they did to Lor. Again, seemed like a very mean-girl trick, some of the brunette's alter-ego still in charge. But it turned out fairly well, though the perpetrators were genuine in their guilt.

4:
... Though that didn't stop Penny from taking advantage of the situation and of Lor. Wonderful bathroom scene, with nice quick thinking to avoid getting caught while Lor also took hold of the situation by bending Penny to her will somewhat. And enjoying the fuck out of her too, but that's the whole fun of it.

But then another tinge of conflict from the mysterious beautiful blonde, so serious and so cold. Penny can't help but want to make things right, always the problem solver, but this is definitely one tough cookie.

That was more than made up for by Lor splitting Trixie from the pack of wolves for a nice lunch together. A very sweet ending for them without a care for the consequences... at first.

5:
But it seems that old habits die hard, and popularity is the hardest drug to quit. (Heh, if not for that I'd have taken down every copy of "Mommy Nearest" a year ago!) While her intentions certainly weren't pure, I do love that Veronica proactive and put her mind into being in the right place when things came back together, and for that she needed info. Trixie, no way, and Lor obviously had more self-confidence than most (plus the strength to kick the snot out of her if she asked the wrong question); that left only sweet, trusting, naive, and checking-out-her-ass Penny as the natural choice. Even if Trixie put the kibosh on that the first time she seriously underestimated Penny's need to please, perhaps to fuck, and most definitely to fit in. No concept of the rules of exclusion.

And Veronica wasn't going to give up so easily either. In retrospect (like five years now) not asking/telling Veronica to come along was a tragic mistake in two ways: first, never let a conniver stew in anxiety, and Veronica also would have acted as a buffer and peer pressure support while Trixie tried to give her new friends the popular look. On the latter point though, better to have the breakdown and, like it or not, present Trixie with the hard choice; but on the former it came back to bite them in the ass in the not-nice way. Perfectly played in every instance though.

6:
So Trixie tried to downplay, maybe too hard by quitting her adoration cold turkey, or close to it. But at least she had some nice home movies to watch first and that probably helped her decided that it would be worth the sacrifice. :) Oh yes, the two worldly girls will get the pigtailed blonde back. But not before Veronica and an unexpected interloper get a shot at her first, especially once Veronica had put Trixie in her (dark and lonely) place.

Yes, I love the weirdness Veronica felt with Timmantha being there, raising her lust to the point where she lost control, even if just to a point. It worked out quite well but only after all things were said and done much later. In the moment though, HOT HOT HOT! But then once the afterglow faded quickly, Veronica must have hated herself for losing control (especially when "control" was the center of the universe to her), and who would she take that out on if given the chance? :(

7:
At least Trixie's friends, her real friends, caught on and didn't go charging in without knowing the score. In retrospect that must have been quit frustrating for Lor, especially with Penny too innocent to understand any better. At least they had each other for emotional support, and though rather dangerous for all their sakes, Penny's proven ability to "distract" Veronica was just what they needed to get the fuller picture. Ironically, if they'd had the full picture regarding the pictures then Penny would have used her skills to take the pictures out of the picture and Bartie never would have pictured himself possessing pictures that would get him in such picture-perfect trouble. (Okay, I'm stretching here).

8: (the chapter I wrote)
Okay, it wasn't perfect, and if I'd known then what I know now (and did a better job clarifying things in my mind first) it could have been better, but I'm still satisfied with the way things turned out as Veronica's arc ended. One more girl stops caring so much about appearances, or just realizes that there is something more to care about. The envelope isn't closed tight but it's sealed with a kiss.

9:
Now, I ended up letting chapter 8 intrude on chapter 9, and I feel a bit self conscious about the post-Veronica phase of chapter 8. However, where 9 proper starts it's very strong. Being so recent, I can afford to go into more detail. :)

First off, opening with a flashback to solidify (and remind us of) what we've learned about Rachel and Lor's past was a nice lead-in, and also very emotional. I feel a real kick in the gut for Lor when she realizes what she had, could have had, and should have accepted. But there's no pussyfooting around the fact that she failed Rachel as a friend, in her own eyes. At least she had the "comforting" thoughts of her friends from Bahia Bay chastising her for her bungling of the whole situation. At least none of "them" knew and could rub in the fact that Penny is a computer expert extraordinaire and, once revealed, could have solved the problem in ten seconds flat. Even if she could calm down the thoughts of what transpired at Veronica's home would probably just tie her guts up in knots again, so perhaps it's better this way.

Meanwhile I love how Rachel is playing good cop, and maybe even genuinely so with Penny going all fangirl on her. After being so responsible and mature for so long no wonder Penny's going a bit wild and taking huge risks, even trying to bring more girls into the fold. It puts her at a huge disadvantage tactically, but it beats being tied up by a bunch of guys so stupid that even her uncle can take them down.

But at the mention of 13 it was like a car crash hit them both. Rachel obviously has her reasons and her secrets, and she'll go to any lengths to bury it � even if it means burying the naive, skilled (in so many ways!), adoring and innocent Penny too. I can't imagine that the sudden flare of 362's temper followed by icy coldness and complete separation will have some dire effect on Penny once she gets time to process it. Hopefully it's not the death of her exuberance, but maybe it's an overdue lesson about not being too forward, both with her secrets and especially with those of others.

On the bright side, the "normal, helpless" girl who'd just ceded all her power and the painful burden of pretense, is using her social graces (and her tongue, etc.) to make an important ally. How useful will Fanny's trust be? The love triangle won't help matters, but if Trixie is truly allowing herself to be more genuine then I think she'll do some real good. Funny though how she was both amused and concerned about Penny's inability to looks past a cutie but now she's made herself (apparently) submissive to Fanny with barely a second thought. I get the feeling that Trixie has suddenly become the one who's most comfortable with who she truly is, and though the chapter ended on Penny's dread, the brunette's accomplishments gave me a lot of hope (and some sexy ideas too, lucky 86!).

Now just one complaint: MORE! :D

Report Review
From Sabbs on July 23, 2010
I really enjoyed this, wow you are a good writer. Love that you included Lor from the Weekenders, she rocks. Thanks for sharing. :) I hope you write more, I've done a bit of writing. More with Ben 10 and Kung Fu Panda anyway thanks for a great story, keep up the great work.
Report Review