Click Here!

  • 1

Reviews for Avatar- As the element merge

By : Zarrthtion
  • From Zarrthtion on September 13, 2009
    thanks for the review one of my main problems has always been the " marks to establish speech between others but im working i just need to remember to slow down when typing to add the marks and look over my stories a little more but this story will be revised i wanted to add some stuff to ie anyway but wanted to see what others thought but thanks
    Report Review

  • From raklzpwn on September 12, 2009
    You need to put ""'s around the character speech or you can't make heads or tails out of whats going on. Also capitol names, you should read a book on basic grammar, and don't forget to pre-read, alot of this wasn't bad but could use a quick revision.

    Example from your story, I didn't change the original wording all that much because thats something you should work on in practice:

    As Sokka looked at Katara and Toph he turned his head to the side and asked "Weren’t you two making out a little while ago?!"

    "No you dumb fool," yelled Toph.

    "Yea and we really don’t need to know what u dream of Sokka," giggled Aang.

    "---and I'm your sister eww you pervert, Katara yelled.

    "B-but" said as Sokka watched Katara and Toph walk away.

    "Just give up man," said as Aang patted him on his back "lets just pack up and go."

    As Sokka gave up and packed confusingly they all got onto Appa and flew off Sokka sleep Aang steering and Katara and Toph making out under the setting sun.
    Report Review

  • 1
T.O.S. | Content Guidelines | DMCA Info | F.A.Q. | Facebook | Tumblr | Abuse | Support | Contact | Donate

Click Here!