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Reviews for It will be your Dishonor

By : TheGriffin
  • From SunTsuToriden on June 02, 2008
    This is a great example of a story that has a lot of depth of character and style. I really like the emotional turmoil that they all go through, it makes it an exciting and enjoyable read.
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  • From MDR on May 03, 2008
    Nice!

    If you don't mind a suggestion, Ron should start wondering if maybe he was more assertive or aggresive that maybe Kim would have been less likely to cheat and think she could get away with it. So he decides to become just that. Putting aside the buffoon sidekick side of himself, he starts acting more confident and dominant. I'm not saying he becomes a control freak or a jerk, but he stands up for himself and takes charge of his life.

    It would be a good scene if Bonnie starts insulting him her usual way, only for him to get in her face and quietly tell her to shut up and threaten her with a very public spanking if she doesn't leave him alone. He then walks away without realizing how turned on she was by his threat and strong personality. It would seem that Bonnie despises weak men, and is turned on by strong dominant men. Thus she comes to him later and asks him on a date, which he would accept. On the date he isn't a jerk or anything, but he is very assertive. He picks where they go, what they order, tells her of adventures with Kim where he was the hero, and perhaps shows his strength stopping a mugger afterwards. Which leads them back to his place and a wild time in bed (which would include mild domination games, like minor bondage, spanking, etc.)

    Of course, something will have to be done to let Bonnie down easy when he eventually gets back together with Kim, unless you want this to be a foursome fic.

    Just ideas. :)
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  • From MDR on May 01, 2008
    So, in the end, Kim wins. After being so jealous, after betraying Ron, after lying to him, after using him, after everything, she gets both her lovers with no problems.

    Eh, no, I just cannot buy this ending. I mean, Kim cheated on him. Not only with another girl, but with somebody she used to accuse him of being romantic with. She lied to him, got ther mutual friends to lie to him, and just kept doing it. She used him to an extreme.

    And in the end, she won. She got both him and Yori without any difficulty. And Ron, who had just been so mad at her for her infidelity, just immediately smiles and jumps into the threesome? Say wha? Is Ron so emotionally weak that the offer of sex makes him forget everything that has been done to him?

    Honestly, it just sounds like in the end you got bored with the story and wanted to end it with a threesome. You ignored all the previous chapters you wrote, ignored all the angst you created, ignored all the feelings of detrayal Ron felt.

    That last paragraph just serves to confuse the issue more. They all engage in a happy orgy, but then suddenly you say Ron had a tough time forgiving Kim and she had a tough time forgiving herself? That last paragraph and the scene before it are exact opposites! I almost got whiplash from that turnaround.

    I would recommend that you wipe out this last paragraph, get rid of the threesome scene, and continue the fic with Kim trying to rebuild her life and desperately trying to get Ron to agree to a threeway relationship. Not an easy task, since it is essentially Kim trying to convince him to allow her to have another lover 'officially'. And again, this is all Kim's selfishness. She wants both sides, regardless of the fact that Yori's mere presence would hurt Ron terribly.

    And what about Yori's culpability in all this? Ron isn't angry that his good friend stole his girlfriend away from him?

    Hmmm, now that I think about it, I would recommend something else. Get rid of that last paragraph (honestly, it just does not make sense after that last scene!). Let them have their orgy. And the next morning, have Ron say good bye to them, as in 'good bye forever'. Have him realize just how selfish Kim is being, how untrustworthy Yori is, how Kim is once again using him. Have him leave, and change his personality. And afterwards, Kim and Yori would have to deal with what they have done, and have to come begging to him to accept them. In short, stretch this out. Move the angst from Ron to Kima and Yori. Have Ron discover that there are more girls out there who might be interested in him. And most of all, don't have him forgive them, not anytime soon. After all, they have already proven in the most painful way there is that they cannot be trusted...especially with his heart.
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  • From bigherb81 on April 29, 2008
    The story was alright I mean you don't see to many Kim/Yori fics out there, but to me the story seemed kinda rushed. I mean yea every guys fantasy to do a threesome, but no matter who you are if the woman you love cheats on you (whether it's male or female) and lies about it your gonna be pissed. Ron showed no anger what so ever after finding out, he didn't even get mad or slightly upset with Monique for keeping something like that from him. Yea ok she decided she wanted both of them, and everything is hunky dory just like that? I know what you were going for and I do like how the story ended, but come on that one was just a little too neatly wrapped. You didn't have to have Ron go on a killing spree or anything, but a little emotion on his part would have been nice.
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  • From Kothoga on April 28, 2008
    Very nice story you have here...I hope that when Ron finds out he demands to get in on the action too :D
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